How to Find the Right Business Mentor

As a Top Rated Plus freelancer on Upwork and someone who’s been in business for seven years who is very vocal about the work from home life, I get a lot of questions about what it takes to be successful. I also get a lot of “Will you be my mentor?” requests. The big problem with the mentorship requests is that if you’re looking for a mentor, you need to know how to find the right business mentor for you. So, that’s the purpose of this Medium article: how you can find the right business mentor for you…because not every person who is successful on Upwork, active on social media, runs a blog, has a course, published a book, or has a podcast will have a personality that meshes well with you or has a business style that you want to mimic. In fact, it might be so far away from what you want that you decide you don’t want to work from home.

Step 1: Understand the Purpose of Choosing a Business Mentor

Yes, I know this seems obvious. But…this is less about someone telling you what to do and more about finding a person you want to emulate and who can help hold you accountable. Although ultimately, the only person that can hold you accountable is the person staring back at you in the mirror. So, choose a successful freelancer who possesses traits that you want to exhibit and who also has the level of success that you want to achieve.

By reading that, you may have thought of at least one person that you’d like as your business mentor. However, it’s more than just thinking about how you'd like so-and-so to mentor you. Also, be prepared for this truth: many people have turned to the paid coaching model. Not everyone will be willing to give up their time for free. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, in my opinion. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve agreed to mentor someone…who never responds to emails, answers or returns phone calls, or responds to messages. You can only get out what you put into the experience. Do I charge? Not at this time, but I am also selective because…harsh truth time: most people do not want to put in the work.

Setting up a mentorship must meet the needs of both parties. That’s why the paid model is effective for so many. You’re more likely to show up. You’re more likely to do something. The mentor or coach is being compensated. In the old model, mentors aren’t compensated outside of a feeling of satisfaction or the occasional thank you. For many of us, that’s fine…except, again, so many people simply do not want to put in the work (while expecting a client fairy to magically grant them success).

Step 2: Identify the Traits You Need in Your Business Mentor

For a successful mentorship experience, you must choose a business mentor who has certain traits. I don’t mean the traits you want to exhibit. Yes, you want to be successful so you want to choose someone who is successful. Duh.

Regardless of whether you’re paying someone or they’re doing it for nothing more than that warm, fuzzy feeling, there are certain traits that need to be there:

There needs to be an open communication style. First, you and your mentor need to set specific times to chat. It doesn’t need to be daily or weekly. It could be monthly or quarterly. However, you need to know that if you have a question or if you need to know if you’re headed in the right direction that you can reach out. It is vital that your business mentor welcomes open communication. This is not your license to be in their hair 24–7. They are not your mother.

They need to be committed to the process. Some people just love the idea of being a mentor and being seen as an expert. Unless they’ve actively mentored another person, they may not appreciate the commitment of the process. A mentorship is a deep relationship. To be fulfilling and helpful to both parties, the mentor and the mentee (you) must be committed to the process.

So, what does commitment mean on the part of the mentor? It means that they are prepared for each session the two of you scheduled (not for random questions you send). They respect the process. They believe in you. They’re respectful of the time the two of you set aside. It is likely the two of you choose a topic (in advance) for each session and they stick to the topic (unless the two of you agree that it ties into another topic).

A mentor has good listening skills. It’s hard to guide you if they do nothing but talk and you can’t ask a question or otherwise speak. It’s hard for a mentor to really know your needs or where you are or if you’re being accountable if they won’t shut up. They should actively exhibit good listening skills (even in messages…by asking questions, summarizing what you’ve said, and otherwise engaging you). For conversations, so many people (likely you and your mentor, we are all guilty of this) are so busy mentally preparing a response when someone is speaking, that we don’t really hear what the other person says. That’s not true listening. When this happens, your mentor will likely miss something you say…something that could change how they may answer you. They should be fully engaged in what you’re saying. They should ask clarifying questions (when necessary) before offering a response.

A mentor that is right for you is objective. You don’t need to be coddled, even if that’s what you want. And we all want that from time to time. A mentorship is not about praising you when you’re doing well. It is not only pointing out how you need to change. It is an objective look at your professional life. I am an objective mother hen. I will both pet your head while kicking you in the tail…but that still does not make my approach or personality right for everyone. Because I am also not a coddler. You have anxiety? Cool story. I have three types. I’m like a Neopolitan pack and I still get sh*t done. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder as a child. I was diagnosed with OCD as a child. I was diagnosed with CPTSD as an adult. So, my theory is get started for five minutes. That’s my personal tool because I know that if I can do it for five minutes, I can usually calm my brain and keep going. It doesn’t feel that way when I start. It, somehow, tricks my brain about 95% of the time. Yeah, I know, some naysayer: bUt ThAt WoN’T wOrK fOr Me…without ever trying it. And that’s how I know I am not right for everyone.

The right mentor for you is genuinely interested in your growth and well-being. While this is about your professional life, it won’t affect only your professional life. Your life and the life of your mentor will intertwine as time goes on. There must be a genuine interest. Maybe the two of you have the same friends. Maybe you have at least one hobby in common. Maybe you attended the same school or college. Maybe you hate the same sports team. Maybe you both have a min pin that kills field mice and drags them into the house (yeah, Bean Bean, I’m talking to you…). I mentor a lot of women who survived domestic violence of some kind (not all of it is physical) because that’s a primary reason why I began working from home. In my state, it’s legal for a survivor to be fired from their job. And he tried. Hard. You know what? You can’t fire yourself. I know that this type of work (not necessarily my industry…just being self-employed) can literally be a game-changer. It can also be a game-changer for anyone who can’t get a job because of a felony or someone who doesn’t want to go on disability (because you can’t live off of that) and they have the ability to work (I know not everyone can work who must go on disability). Random thoughts…

The right mentor for you should be a positive role model in your life. I don’t care how old you are. You need a positive role model. I have them and as of July 2021, I’m 42. My Aunt G is one. My friend Vickie is one. So are my two friends Edna and Kayci. Each of these women has qualities that I aspire to embrace. From the freelancer perspective, Morgan Overholt is both financial and social media goals. Talk about positive role models… If you’re striving to set goals in your life, choose a mentor who sets and meets their goals (and who understands that sometimes goals must change). If you’re looking to improve the way you interact with others, especially with how volatile the entire environment in general is, find someone who has great interpersonal skills.

Your Obligations to Your Business Mentor

What? You didn’t think I was going to let you out of this so easy, did you? Honey, please. It’s important that you understand what your obligations are since you are the one who wants to find a business mentor.

It is your obligation to know what you want to improve or change. It’s okay if you think about this in broad terms. I hear it in broad terms a lot. Sometimes, people will just start talking and tell me what they’re unhappy with. Well, that’s a starting point because then I can help them narrow it down. Yes, most mentors do prefer if you know what you want to improve or change, but if you at least have a general idea (by knowing what sucks in your life professionally or even personally), a good business mentor can help you figure it out.

It is your obligation to tell your mentor what you need. Your mentor is not your parent. Your mentor is not a mind-reader. Your mentor does not have the job of hunting you down, even if you pay them. Even I pay for a mastermind group…but if I don’t attend, is that their problem or mine? Your mentor may know that you want to become a better professional, but if you’re not willing to share with your mentor what you need or want to work on, you can’t expect them to help you. You must be willing to open up. Remember that open communication paragraph? It’s also your responsibility.

It is your obligation to be objective and not overly sensitive. Earlier, you read that your mentor must be objective. Guess what? That’s also your obligation. You must not be overly sensitive to feedback or suggestions. Your mentor became successful for a reason. You want to be like them and change for a reason. If what you’re doing isn’t working…it’s time for feedback, right? Your mentor isn’t (or shouldn’t be) looking to overtly criticize you. They aren’t looking to (or shouldn’t be looking to) pick you apart. They’re providing you with the feedback you need to become a better freelancer. Take what you’re being given with an open mind. Consider it. You don’t have to take everything and run with it. Ultimately, what you’re told to do and whether you implement it is your choice. However, I will caution you to not throw out perfectly good advice because you were rubbed the wrong way. Remember that you came to the mentor for the express purpose of changing.

It is your obligation to be respectful of their time. Your mentor, if they’re in it for free, is doing you a favor. So, be respectful of their time. When you set a time to talk, make sure you’re on time. Make sure you’re prepared. Do not go over the allotted time. And, again, they’re not your parent. You don’t need them for every single question you have related to being a freelancer or working from home. Sure, you can ask how they handle a difficult client, but do you really need to ask them whether you should get the black or brown notebook?

It is your obligation to hold yourself fully accountable. Part of having a business mentor is having someone to hold you accountable for the changes you want to make. Yes, they hold you accountable by asking if you’re taking the steps you said you want to take toward your goals. This is one of the most important concepts involved in the process. But, like I said much earlier, the only person who can really hold you accountable is you. So, no making excuses if you aren’t making progress. That’s not your mentor’s fault. That’s your fault. You are the one not listening to the feedback and implementing the suggestions. I know this from the countless Upworkers I’ve mentored who do not make the changes I’ve suggested they make. Why don’t they make them? Because, in their words, they don’t feel like they should have to make them…and yet, as they tell me, they are dumbfounded about why they haven’t been hired or why they aren’t making more money.

It is your obligation to say thank you every here and there. If your business mentor isn’t someone you’re paying (you know, like a paid coach), remember that this is a human that is giving up something very valuable for you: their time. They are taking the time to talk with you about their experiences and to give you the feedback you need on how you can improve as a professional. So, make sure that you say thank you every here and there…and say thank you after you are making the money you want to make. They didn’t have to say yes. They don’t have to do this for you. They’re doing you a favor.

Mentorship can be absolutely life-changing. It can make you a better freelancer. You can learn new ways to solve problems in your business. It can teach you new ways to serve your clients. You may even learn how to land your first client. Remember to choose a business mentor with the traits of a good mentor and who has the characteristics you want to possess. Take the guidance and apply it to your professional life. And say thank you!